Tag Archive | decorating humor

Clean House Junkie

I am bringing back an old post that still rings true and makes me laugh. Enjoy!

My husband will not let me play bingo. Ever. He knows I maintain a delicate balance between my religiously induced disciplines and a genetic predisposition to all sorts of addictions, including gambling. As long as I avoid temptation, I stay in balance. That is why I am no good at backgammon. I am not allowed to practice.

With a somewhat naturally addictive slant to my personality, I can take many things to an extreme that is not necessarily normal. I just read an article in “Real Simple” magazine (see link below) about how American wives are not happy because they spend too much time maintaining a clean house and helicopter parenting their children. We should instead drink wine and ignore our children like the French do and they would grow up to be well-adjusted, successful adults. I promise you I drink wine and ignore my children as much as possible, but so far the jury is out on how they will turn out.

I do love a clean house. The cleaner the house, the more I want to clean. It is never done. It causes me to crave cleanliness and to yell at everyone when they come in and drop their backpacks on the floor. The high from a clean house is cheap and leaves me wanting more. I am a clean-house junkie now craving the next fix. The problem is then I want to chase the dog with the vacuum and confine my children to their rooms. This is no good for anyone, even me, and I have to find balance.

Of course these periods of manic cleaning are more often followed by periods of complete inaction. I let things go until I am embarrassed by a neighbor who wanders over, or a friend who pops by, which causes me to spring into action. Usually just in time for their departure and once again only my family is around to witness the clean house and start the cycle all over again.

The healthiest form of cleaning for me involves changing things up. A quick rearrange of the furniture gets rid of the dust bunnies and provides a decorating change of scenery. I usually play around with the things I already have, just to see how it will look over here instead. I encourage you to try a new arrangement; you might surprise yourself. Don’t be wedded to the things you have had in the same spot for the last ten years. Change is good.

http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/life-strategies/time-management/spend-time-00100000077167/index.html#2

© 2012 Mariam d’Eustachio

This Post Brought to You by…. Me!

Two of the decorating blogs that I read on a regular basis, both had posts about how pretty the Kleenex box is, on the same day. It was a Kleenex marketing invasion. God save me from this type of success. The first thing I do when I get sick is scour the house looking for the Puffs Plus with lotion, for the sake of my poor runny nose. I don’t care about the design of the Kleenex box. That is like trying to pretty up the toilet paper or the paper towels. I am just grateful we have tissues, and I’m not blowing my nose into a leaf, or a piece of Soviet newspaper.

Puffs Plus!

Puffs Plus!

I promise this post has not been sponsored by Puffs Plus.

In the news of The World’s Slowest Kitchen Renovation, I have a blind on my kitchen window! I also have an outrageous estimate for getting the window replaced with a larger window, but for now, I am thrilled to have a blind. The morning sun is brutal. My mom said she wasn’t able to do the dishes because the sun was in her eyes. This is tragic. I can’t risk losing an opportunity for someone else to do the dishes, so we installed a blind.

Ikea kitchen blind.

Ikea kitchen blind.

These blinds are wood blinds from Ikea. We have put them on all of our upstairs windows for privacy, but they come a little too wide for our windows. Long ago I bought one, just to see if we could trim it down, and it worked!

Downstairs in the office.

Downstairs in the office.

Using a jigsaw, we were able to trim that extra inch from one side of the blind, so they fit the window (by we, I mean Stuart). You can’t tell that they have been altered and we have saved lots of money this way. The cost was $25 per blind, which is an approximate savings of $1000 per window. Wood blinds that are not from Ikea cost a fortune.

Bedroom windows.

Bedroom windows.

The color match on these Ikea blinds is just right for our old wood trim. They come in white and blonde wood and several different sizes, and if you own a jigsaw, you can cut them to fit.

I promise this post has not been sponsored by Ikea either, although I am open to offers.

© copyright Mariam d’Eustachio 2014 at Simply Turquoise.

Back to the Drawing Board

Here is a picture of my chairs. Glorious finds from the trash, only to end up back on the curb. I ordered fabric to cover the seats, bought a nearly-reportable amount of spray paint, and sadly, they are right back where they came from.

The chairs that were not meant to be.

The chairs that were not meant to be.

I was sanding chair #2 when the front leg snapped off.  I have invested emotionally in these trash chairs and find that I want to go spend a ridiculous amount of money on new chairs to recover from this loss. Does BlueCross BlueShield cover retail therapy?

Outdoor fabric.

The new outdoor fabric.

The table, another trash find, is another sad story. I was in such a state of euphoria when I saw it by the dumpster, that I failed to notice the text that was carefully etched into the top.

Prima, my surprisingly observant daughter, was the first to notice the script. “Mom? I think there is a problem with your table. Um, it says FU** on it.”

The table.

Look closely at the table.

“SH**!” I said, “I mean, ‘NO WAY!’ Who would do such a thing?” and then I apologized for exposing my children to more profanity, intentionally or otherwise.

You know how you worry about what your kids will be exposed to at a friend’s house on the Internet? Well at my house, it’s the graffiti you have to worry about.

Trying to fix it with wood putty.

Trying to fix it with wood putty.

One afternoon, I received a glorious text message from Stuart: “I sanded the FU** out of your table.”

Sanded!

Sanded!

And we were once again fit for polite company.

But alas, it has been sanded too much, and I am going to put it back on the curb. It is a sad day indeed. Now, I have a porch that needs paint, a new light fixture, AND furniture. But the rug looks nice! However, I am back to the drawing board. Good thing there is an awesome barrel in the basement, just waiting to be the base of my new table.

© copyright 2013 Mariam d’Eustachio.

Spray-Paint Graffiti-Sniffing Moms Anonymous Club

Recently, I was shocked to discover that you need ID to buy spray paint. Naturally, after purchasing the illicit spray paint, I started to think what else (besides my planned project) could I do with it? What actions would justify needing to show ID to buy spray paint? The temptation to casually spray paint a plant as I was leaving Home Depot was great. Fortunately, I remembered in the knick of time, that I had just flashed them my ID and refrained.

Now the wheels were turning and I decided to spruce up a rusty old birdbath that was hanging out in the Fig Tree garden.

Rusty, old birdbath.

Rusty old birdbath.

I sanded and wiped out the inside of the bowl and thoroughly dried it. I removed the little bird on the edge, so it did not get painted and would remain the rusty-brown color of the base.

Little rusty bird.

Removing the little rusty bird.

Then I sprayed the bowl with turquoise colored spray paint called Lagoon for wood, plastic or metal finishes. I did this while wearing the best graffiti-artist look I could muster.

Spray-painted birdbath.

Spray-painted birdbath.

The new color reminds me of the bottom of a fountain. It will keep the water looking nice, instead of the rusty, dirty-brown color the water was before.

Back in the Fig-Tree garden.

Back in the Fig-Tree garden.

This was a fun and easy way to add a pop of color to the garden. Now the birds can bathe after they feast on the figs from my tree.

A Pop of Color.

A Pop of Color.

Of course, I can’t stop thinking about spray paint either. This could be dangerous, and may lead to some sort of Spray-Paint Graffiti-Sniffing Moms Anonymous Club, coming soon to a location near you.

© copyright 2013 Mariam d’Eustachio.