Tag Archive | humor

Back to the Drawing Board

Here is a picture of my chairs. Glorious finds from the trash, only to end up back on the curb. I ordered fabric to cover the seats, bought a nearly-reportable amount of spray paint, and sadly, they are right back where they came from.

The chairs that were not meant to be.

The chairs that were not meant to be.

I was sanding chair #2 when the front leg snapped off.  I have invested emotionally in these trash chairs and find that I want to go spend a ridiculous amount of money on new chairs to recover from this loss. Does BlueCross BlueShield cover retail therapy?

Outdoor fabric.

The new outdoor fabric.

The table, another trash find, is another sad story. I was in such a state of euphoria when I saw it by the dumpster, that I failed to notice the text that was carefully etched into the top.

Prima, my surprisingly observant daughter, was the first to notice the script. “Mom? I think there is a problem with your table. Um, it says FU** on it.”

The table.

Look closely at the table.

“SH**!” I said, “I mean, ‘NO WAY!’ Who would do such a thing?” and then I apologized for exposing my children to more profanity, intentionally or otherwise.

You know how you worry about what your kids will be exposed to at a friend’s house on the Internet? Well at my house, it’s the graffiti you have to worry about.

Trying to fix it with wood putty.

Trying to fix it with wood putty.

One afternoon, I received a glorious text message from Stuart: “I sanded the FU** out of your table.”



And we were once again fit for polite company.

But alas, it has been sanded too much, and I am going to put it back on the curb. It is a sad day indeed. Now, I have a porch that needs paint, a new light fixture, AND furniture. But the rug looks nice! However, I am back to the drawing board. Good thing there is an awesome barrel in the basement, just waiting to be the base of my new table.

© copyright 2013 Mariam d’Eustachio.

The Other Woman

There is another woman in my life. I snuck her into my home, only hoping my husband wouldn’t notice. She served the dual purpose of beauty and function in one. I was intrigued by this see-through lady and wanted her to hold toilet paper rolls and the clothes I was constantly discarding all over the bathroom floor. What a fabulous find!

Me and the wire lady.

I know I am not the only person out there who is tired of waiting for Rosie to come around. Growing up with “The Jetsons”, we have realized so many of their futuristic fantasies including cell phones, flying cars, and machines that dispense food. But alas, where is Rosie, the Robot Maid? This wire lady is the closest thing I have to Rosie, holding up my clothes and keeping the toilet paper within reach. I can’t ask for anything more than that.

Glimpse of the wire lady in the mirror.

I found her at Marshall’s and could not leave without her. I had been looking for a solution to the toilet paper problem and here it was standing before me. I had considered a free-standing birdcage, but I just knew when I laid eyes on her that she was the one. She was a steal at only $50.

My husband gets annoyed by extracurricular pieces of furniture. This is why I had to sneak the lady in. I thought for sure he would understand once he saw her in place. Besides, isn’t this some version of every man’s dreams?

He did grumble and still does on occasion. But the next day, I went into the bathroom, surprised to see her adorned with….

The Other Woman.

This represents peace in our house. At last, she had worked her wiry charms on him.

© copyright 2012 Mariam d’Eustachio.